That's me, I'm him...

DISCLAIMER: Although I am a car guy this is not solely a car blog. I will talk cars, but this is also a blog about how I view the world. Just ask my mom and she will tell you my first word was "car". I do have a slight fascination with them. Luckily I have a supportive family and a very understanding wife...

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Shannon and Christmas...

My wife is a Christmas freak. She gets it from her dad I think. Maybe it’s genetic. Woman get the love of Christmas from their father’ side of the family. Men get male pattern baldness from their mother’s side. I swear when I go to the store in August and see Christmas stuff out it is because my wife and her father have threatened the manager. In our house we watched Elf on the 4th of July.

My wife’s family loves Christmas carols. Growing up I really thought Christmas Carolers were a myth. You know like Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, or Brit and K-Fed’s happy marriage. People always talk about them, no one can ever prove them though. But I now know carolers do exist. My wife and her family do this every year – always have I guess. Imagine them bundled up like Han Solo on the planet Hoth, singing their little hearts out for their neighbors – in Hawaii!

I’m not much into Christmas carols. To me most make NO sense what-so-ever. I mean think about it, really think about it. The Twelve Days of Christmas – what kinda song is that. First off if you do know the words, you have way too much time on your hands. But that’s a good thing ‘cause it takes at least an hours to sing it, and if you don’t know the words – well, there’s no hope for ya. Did you realize that your “true love” gives you something like 184 birds for Christmas. I mean what am I gonna do with twelve partridges in their pear trees. Hunny, honestly, buy me a Nintendo Wii. Heck, buy me twelve of them and we can sell them on Ebay. We are gonna need the money to feed all those dang birds! Three French hens… I thought after 9/11 we decided to call them “freedom” hens. Four calling birds. Who are they calling? Is it off-peak hours? FIVE golden rings… you are seriously pressuring me here. Is your biological clock ticking? Eight maids a milking – is there something I miss understood about birds? Nine ladies dancing......................sorry I was visualizing that one. Whoops, is my face red! Ten lords a leaping. Why do you think I would want that? I guess we could rent an RV and take them and the dancing ladies to the Cheerleader Nationals in Florida - maybe make a workout video or something. Eleven piper piping. Once again, give me something like eleven plumbers plumbing. We need to pay for the birds! And last but not least – twelve drummers drumming. Yeah that should help with my insomnia...

Honestly though thanks to everyone for their love and friendship this year. I really do appreciate you all and all you do. I hope your holiday is full of the happiness. Merry Christmas and have a joyous new year!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Holiday shopping....

I love the illusion people have of shopping during the holiday season. People are always like “I can’t ever remember the mall being this crowded”. Duh – last year! The day before Christmas and last Cabbage Patch doll will turn any blue-haired grandmother into Tonya Harding. Man that cane can really bust up your knee cap…

Many people now shop on-line. “Oh it’s so convenient – I don’t have to do my hair, take a shower, and I can shop in my hole ridden pajamas and dirty house slippers”. Have you been to Wal-Mart lately?

I’m “keepin’ it real”. I still shop in the store. I like seeing what I am buying. I like building that “relationship” with my purchase while I stand at the check-out for several hours. I get emotional when I see the cashier handle it so nonchalantly. They act like they do this all day long . I’m special – treat me and my purchase that way!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Hey, it's almost Christmas!

Just to forewarn everyone I will not refer to it as the Holiday Season, Holiday songs, the Holiday tree, or Holiday cookies…mmm, I want a cookie. After all it is CHRISTMAS!

Remember Christmas when you were a kid and couldn’t wait to open your presents. That Christmas tree always taunted me. “Look at me, look at me. I got presents you got NOTHIN'!” If my parents would have ponied up the dough for a real tree I would have infested it with bark beetles. It was such a bully! I would beg, cry, scream, hold my breath until I passed out in hopes my parents will would cave. Once when I was nine I think I even suffered a mild aneurism. Well, I am still like that. I have been bugging my wife for weeks. She says “Oh hunny, but what will you open Christmas morning?” Hello, we are employed adults! We can go buy more!

Christmas was always big in our house, but not for reasons you would think. Our house received a total transformation every year. Several hundred man hours went into the decorating of our home – which would have been fine if we started in August. No my family is what some might call "procrastinators". I always thought it was a law of physics or something that Christmas lights could not be hung on your house until the mercury dropped to ten below zero. And as far as inside… our house seemed like it was literally gutted of all “everyday” interior and was replaced by “Christmas” interior. My mom had boxes and boxes of this stuff. We went through more boxes during Christmas than FedEx, UPS, and the Postal Service ever dreamed of. I swear one year Macy’s sued us because my mom had a monopoly on Christmas decoration and they were afraid they would have to cancel their parade.

I have SO many “favorite” presents from childhood. One Christmas I got super hero action figures – they were the size of Barbie. There was Spider- man, Batman, Robin, Incredible Hulk, Aqua-man, and Superman. They came with an RV called a mobile crime lab, and Spider-man’s car. I have no idea whatever happened to them. I recently saw some like them sell on an online auction site. Let’s just put it this way – if I still had them I could buy Wyoming. Montana, and the Dakotas.

I also got enough Star Wars toys growing up I am pretty sure my parents secured Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, and Carrie Fisher’s great grandkids future.

I remember one Christmas though that our family was very financially blessed. My parents had money to buy us what seemed to be hundreds of presents (the tree was REALLY mean that year). In order to distract from my pleading my mom prayed and received revelation. She would “randomly number” ALL the presents, and keep a secret list of what number went to whom. This way I would not know which ones were mine, hence no begging. I wish she would have sought the same revelation when Christmas morning showed up and she had lost her list! Hard tellin’ what my sister, Jasi, or myself would be opening that morning… man boys are mean to you when you’re wearing Rainbow-Brite panties. Oh yeah, and Jasi I want my G. I. Joe back!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

A salute to beards...

Coarse, wiry, abrasive facial hair!

Face it guys it is one thing that separates us from most of the woman on this rock. That and the ability to pee outdoors with out propping ourselves up against something.

Well about once a year I a get a little lazy. I miss one day of shaving / maintaining my goatee. Then the second day goes by. By the third day I am auditioning for "the New Adventures of Grizzly Adams" TV series.

I don't mind beards. Some of the most influential men in history have sported the beard. Abe Lincoln, John Lennon, Jim Morrison, the Amish, Papa Smurf, and Uncle Jesse.

So come on guys - grow that beard and honor those before us!

Saturday, December 15, 2007

A more P.C. Santa?!?

So I heard on the news that certain people are calling for a more politically correct Santa.

It seems that people in Australia think Santa's trademark "Ho-Ho-Ho" may be offensive to some women. He is now being asked to say "Ha-Ha-Ha".

Give me a break!

Also here in the U.S. people are concerned about the "image" Santa portrays. They are concerned what his lack of physical activity, cookie and milk diet, and large belly maybe saying to our youth.

Are you kidding me?!? Let's look into this... Santa travels something like 111 million miles in one night. He is up and down 223 million chimneys - how's that for lack of physical activity. No wonder the guy takes 364 days of PTO each year. And as far as the diet - I think he needs all the sugar he can get to accomplish his task. I think I would rather have a Santa hopped up on sugar instead of some crackhead elf comin' down my chimney. Or is that why he is always wiping his nose, hmmm.

I can live with the above mentioned I just can't believe no one has raised a concern about his "personal" habits. First off what's with all the alias'? Saint Nicholas, Father Christmas, Santa Claus, Pere Noel, Babbo Natale, Hagios Nikolaos...

He spends alot of time with hundreds of elves, which by the way look exactly like little kids. Honest - I saw the movie. He keeps a list of kids AND checks it twice. He hangs out in malls -invites little kids to sit on his lap by luring them with candy. And if that doesn't freak you out he sees you when your sleeping and knows when you're awake... think about it.

And did you know his wife, Mrs. Claus, was not even "created" until 1889? Sounds like a cover...

He's like an old, white Michael Jackson. Michael had Bubbles - Santa had Rudolph. Both never really age, and both live in this place children dream of.

I mean weren't these the same things the state of CA had on M.J.? Maybe they should check into the home life of one Kris Kringle...

Ahhh, crap. He knows when I've been bad...

Sorry Santa.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

‘T was the night before a car guy Christmas

So last year I wrote this mildly off the wall Christmas letter. I guess it was somewhat enjoyed by those that received it. I have not decided if I will do it this year yet or not, but I did write this little spoof of a Christmas classic...

‘T was the night before a car guy Christmas

‘T was the night before a car guy Christmas,
when all around the house

Not an engine was revving,
not even my small block Chevy - a.k.a. “the mouse”.

The wrenches were hung
on the peg board with care,

In hope that St. Nicholas
soon would be there.

The children were nestled
All snug in their beds,

While visions of Weber side draft carburetors
danced in their heads.

My wife in her Victoria’s Secret,
and I in a So Cal Speed Shop cap,

Had just settled our brains
for a long winter’s nap,

When out by the garage
there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my bed
to see what was the matter.

Down to the driveway
I flew like a flash,

Threw open the door
to check on my car stash.

The moon on the breast
of the new fallen snow

Gave a luster of midday
to all my hot rods below.

When what to my wondering eyes
should appear

But a candy apple red sleigh
and eight high octane reindeer.

With a little old hot rodder,
so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment
it must be St. Nick!

More rapid than Nascars
his coursers they came,

And he whistled and shouted
and called them by name:

“Now, Duece! Now, DeSoto!
Now, Plymouth and Bel Air!

On, Comet! On, Fairlane!
On, Corvette and Corvair!

Like a top fuel dragster
Stay out of the wall!

Now peel out! Burn out!
Lay rubber and all!”

As belly tankers
on dry lake beds do fly,

They meet with an obstacle,
and launched toward the sky,

So up to the rooftop
The coursers they flew,

With that sleigh full of power tools –
Oh yeah and St. Nicholas, too.

And then, in a twinkling,
I heard on my roof

The prancing and pawing
of each reindeer hoof.

As I gathered my head
and was turning around,

Down my old chimney St. Nicholas
came with a bound.

He was dressed in Levis and Dickies
From his head to his feets,

His clothes were all soiled
with oil and grease.

A bundle of vintage speed parts
he had flung on his back,

Like a Pomona Swap Meet vendor
just opening his pack.

His eyes, how they twinkled!
His dimples, so merry!

He had a tattoo of a heart,
in it the name Cherry!

And the beard on his chin was
like one worn by Bo,

It was long, wavy, curly
the color of snow.

A cigar like Bill Hines
he held tight in his mouth,

smoke encircled his head,
like a big ol’ burnout.

He had a old face
and a little beer belly

It shook, when he laughed,
like a bowl full of jelly.

He was one of a kind,
the true O.G. hot rod elf,

I should give him a thumbs up,
I thought to myself.

I knew at that moment
I had nothing to dread

St Nick was a hip cat
he probably drove a flathead.

He ported and polished,
just kept to his engine work,

not until he had balanced and blueprinted,
did he turn with a jerk,

And laying a finger
alongside his nose,

While giving a nod
up my chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh,
to his team gave a whistle,

And away they flew
like a new fangled missile.

But I heard him exclaim,
As he raced out of sight,

“Merry Christmas to all,
and to all a hot rod built right!”

Monday, December 10, 2007


I recently found out my wife’s Christmas party for her work was going to be semi-formal. I vaguely remember this term used with school dances, but never a party. I am not a big fan of social gatherings. For me to go to this is a real stretch of my comfort zone, and then to have “semi-formal” thrown into the mix…

Now two of my wife’s greatest passions in life are parties and Christmas. Needless to say she is beside herself in anticipation of her work Christmas party. I, myself, well I am not so enthused. I don’t know these people and she sees them everyday. What is the big deal? I don’t care to meet Muff and Biffs’ children. I could care less how Carl in I.T. is having an affair with Shelia from Accounting. And I really don’t want to see Rick from A.R. get drunk again and hit on anything with a pulse. But I love my wife and I will support her.

With that being said our conversation went down like this:

“Hunny, don’t forget my work party next week.”

“Yeah, yeah… I know…”

“Oh, and it is semi-formal.”



“You mean like wear a belt and tuck my t-shirt in…semi-formal.”

With that my wife walks into our closet and a few seconds later returns to the room.

“I think you should wear this” she says while holding a shirt and a tie.

What, where did that come from? I have those in there? I thought.

I then peered into the closet. Maybe there is a secret porthole to the mall or something in there I never knew about.

“Holy crap mom – I don’t have class pictures today…” I replied sarcastically.

“You would look so handsome.”

Visions of my wife spitting on a Kleenex and washing my face in front of all her work friends just raced through my head.

“Where did that come from?” I asked

“I bought it at the mall while I was buying my dress” she replied

“How much did all that cost?!?”

“How much did your new hot rod cost…?”

Needless to say - will I go to the party – yes. Will I wear the outfit – yes. Will I like it – I plead the 5th.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Car chicks are hot...

You know there is just something about a woman in a T-shirt and jeans, wrench in hand, working on a car. I will take a little grease and gasoline over Chanel #5 and Mary Kay anyday.

One of my wife and mine's first dates was to a car show. She has allowed me to buy "project" cars, and even store those special car parts in the house. She supports my obsession...

These things and the fact that she has never referred to a car as "cute" have always impressed me.

Well, until the other day I never realized that I truly lucked out. A couple of nights ago my wife was in the garage assembling the bed on a '54 Ford F-100!

She still won't admit it, but deep down she is a car chick!

Thursday, November 29, 2007

It's all in the name...

I recently read about a study where researchers determined the name a child is given, and grows up with, can directly influence the person they become as an adult. I mean if you name your kid Blade he will probably found a local chapter for the Hell’s Angels, but name the same kid Corky and he may never know the touch of a woman…

My parents gave me a normal, fairly common name. I haven’t had any world changing accomplishments in my life. Never shook hands with a president. I’m not filthy rich. I’ve been married a couple of time. Maybe that has to do with the not rich thing more than my name, hmmm…

Oh yeah - the study. After reading the article I began thinking about people I had met and their names. I wonder what some of them are doing now.

Lets see there was:

Fooch – I knew him in elementary school. Can’t remember his last name, and I am sure to this day no one knows it. He is a real life Kramer.

Ben Wilde – did his parents have some kind of foresight into his future?

Penny Nichols – one cent, five cents.

Key Chevelle – her dad was a car nut.

Hunter & Trapper – oh, how cute for brothers. Their mom thought so.

Stormy Dawn – maybe it was that “Hey, I’m 1/32 Cherokee” thing you always hear people say.

Candi Cane – She’s probably an exotic dancer or porn star.

Moonbeam Dover – Clever, sounds like moon beamed over. I assume she lives in the top of a Redwood tree somewhere in Humboldt County California now.

Benjamin Dover – Little brother to the “Moonbeam”. Everyone called him Ben.

Kris Krost – I bet she married some guy named Oliver Owt, and now goes by Kris Krost – Owt.

Boot Hill – honest.

Pepsee Kohler – wah-wah-wa…

Wow, parents come up with some weird names for kids. Luckily for the Mrs., and our children, I am nothing like that. I just wanna name our daughter Rhoda Harlee, and if it’s a boy – Darwin Duncan Shane. Say that in your best Wayne Newton voice!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

The answer is...

Wow, who would have thought that life decision between husband and wife would be so difficult. I love my wife more than anything, but we have a real issue when it comes to the big choices. Ok, ok – when I say big I don’t mean “hey, hunny should we start that family tonight” or “how do you feel we should vote on proposition 184 in the upcoming election” or “do you think we should paint the ceiling beige”.

It’s hard to explain, but here is our typical conversation:

6:00 PM

“How was your day?”

“I don’t know. How was yours?”

“Same as always.”

“Oh yeah?”


“Wanna do something tonight?”

“I don’t know. Do you want to?”

“I don’t care… it’s up to you.”


“Like what?”

“You decide.”

“No, you.”

“I don’t want to…”

6:05 PM


6:35 PM

“So… what do ya wanna do?”

“I said I didn’t care.”


7:40 PM

“I’m hungry. You wanna eat?”

“If you want to.”

“What do you feel like?”

“What ever, you decide.”

“I don’t care.”

“Me either.”


8:10 PM

“You still hungry?”

“I don’t know – are you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Wanna get a pizza?”

“Do you?”


8:35 PM

“Do you still want a pizza?”

“If you do.”

“Ok, order one.”

Yes! A break through!

“What kind do you want?”

“I don’t care. What do you want?”


“Hello, Dominos I would like to order a pizza for delivery…. Ummm, yeah we don’t know. Just a second…. Hunny, I have them on the phone. What do you want?”

“I don’t care. What ever you decide.”

“Yeah, Dominos – surprise us. Thirty five minutes, great.”


9:20 PM

“How was your pizza?”

“I don’t know how was your?”

“Wanna help me with the dishes?”

“If you want me too…”


10:00 PM

“Wanna go to bed?”

“If you want to.”

“Well, are you tired?”

“Are you?”


10:20 PM – in bed

“Are you asleep?”

“Are you?”

“What time do you want to get up tomorrow?”

“I don’t know when do you want to?”

10:30 PM

“Do you think we should paint the ceiling beige?”

Friday, November 2, 2007

I love my shower...

People ask me – “So, how is the new house?”

All I can say is “I love my shower.”

I really, really do. Not in an “I need therapy kinda way”. I just really love it. It was a really big fear for me prior to us moving in. What if I don’t like it? What if the shower head isn’t high enough? What if the water pressure sucks? What if the tile freaks me out? What if it is always cold?”

Rest assured though it is perfect. And it is all mine.

Come on over. Check out the new house. Sit on my couch. Eat my food. Hug my wife. I don’t really care…

Just don’t ask to use my shower.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Is there something wrong with me?

Ok, stop with the sarcasm!

No honestly. Is there something wrong with me? Two TV posts in a row.

So I am home alone tonight - Shannon is at a convention for work - and the TV is keeping me company. I don't mind time alone - I have cable! :)

The news is on. Yeah I said news, but only because I am too lazy to look for the remote. Not really paying attention, but I am sure there is SO much I could be paying attention to. The price of oil, the fires in CA, another recall on Chinese products, a missing kid somewhere in the world, etc. None of this has really phased me, and then it comes on...

I can't believe my eyes! I am drawn to our TV like a moth to my parent's bug zapper. As the reporter begins his monologue I am engulfed by what is being broadcast before me. This has to be the biggest discovery in modern civilization! I kid you not it was a 167 lb hairball! Curses I don't have TiVo! Guess now it will just be "one of those stories grandpa always tells" to my grandkids someday.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


Restless Leg Syndrome

Yeah I think I have it. I don't sleep well and I drive people nuts when I share a seat with them. My legs are constantly moving.

So I saw a commercial for a pill. All was good until the disclaimer - you know all the usual side effects:

"May cause shortness of breath, rash, itching, watery eyes, dry eyes, red eyes, double vision, blurred vision, ringing in ears, elevated tempurature, heart palpitations, nausea, headache, diziness, tiredness, migraines, bloating, gas, loss of appetite, chalky tongue, sweaty gums, hairy toe knuckles, bushy eyebrows, curvature of the spine, back acne, infertility, post nasal drip, pre nasal drip, smelly feet, poor grammer, inability to do algebra, blah, blah, blah..."

Ok, ok I can live with those I'm thinking, and then the last two really caught me off gaurd. I swear this was it:

"Increased sex drive or urge to gamble. When using this product you should not consume alcohol..."

Wait, wait - a product that may increase my sex drive or my urge to gamble BUT should not be taken with alcohol!?! Last time I checked for most people that was alcohol!

Monday, October 22, 2007


So we are preparing to move - hopefully this week. And the question that keeps coming to mind is where did all this junk come from? I mean come on I take out the trash several times a week. Sometimes I even through out more than what is in the can. If I don't think we need it it is out by the curb.

You know I can understand our draw with 107 keys, 12 rolls of tape - none new, a pocket knife, a business card for a plumber, crayons, a ball of used tin-foil, a AA battery, and some toenail clippings, but what about all the "big" stuff? Where did all this come from? Did we buy it? Do we need it? How did it get here?

I think my wife smuggles it in. It seems to be a bigger problem than securing the US borders.

I questioned Shannon - "Have you been ordering from QVC again?"

"No, why?" she replies.

"Cause I don't remember buying this..." I say puzzling.

"Oh that - your mom gave it to us for our anniversary."

"Why would my mom get us the Suzanne Somer's Thighmaster Gold edition?"

"Ummm... maybe she got it on easy pay with free shipping..."

"Are you kidding me!?!"

"No, now put it next to the Paula Deen 217 pc. cookware set your grandfather gave us for Hanukkah..."

"Hey - wait! We aren't Jewish!"

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

El Camirod, El Carodder, Elky - Highboy?

No idea what you would call this. All I know is that a full a full-size version is being built by a guy on the H.A.M.B. His may not look exactly like this when done, but when I saw the initial "spy photos" I just had to draw up "my" finished version. It started life as a '59 El Camino that is now narrowed and chopped. It sits on a rolling chassis remenisant of the Mysterion show car, stuffed with your pick of any vintage V-8 with custom headers and an intake setup that looks like it came off of a pipe organ. It would have a custom mix yellow / gold paint with white tuck 'n roll interior, white 3 spoke steering wheel, and big shifter. And what show carm would be complete without a custom tube grill and quad headlights!

Monday, October 15, 2007

Randy Warren's "too Cool for School"

This is my buddy Randy's 1947 Chevy. It is lowered and painted a pale PPG orange. Additional plans are a hopped up 235, white tuck 'n roll, and possible scallops or flames.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

It's just a number...

You know growing up I always found it odd my dad had to think about my age. I mean come on I was his only son. His lil' man - his spittin' image. Why was this SO hard for him...

When I was a toddler I had my age. Everyone would ask "How old are you?" Ha! I can answer that on one hand - how hard is this?

As I grew older I had my birthday - no big deal - four digits - six if you want the "19" on the year.

Then came kindergarten. What's you address? Hmmm, ok that's a little more. And you wanna know my phone number too!?! Oh well I can handle it. What! A school bus number! You people really know how to push it!

Then I got a sister. "How old is your little sister?" Hey she was blessed with 10 fingers ask her yourself.

And as time went more and more...

I don't go a day without some one, somewhere asking "What's your PIN number, debit card number, bank account number, address, cell number, fax number, work number, driver license number, SS number, anniversary, license plate number, locker combination, credit cards number, utility account numbers, IQ, cholestrol count, zip code, tee time, gas mileage, weight, height,...?" Or thousands of others.

And I am proud to say I can answer all of those questions, but for the love of Pete do you think I can remember my daughter's age...?

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Street scenes

I planned on going to the "Hugs for Life" car show and shooting some pictures today, but it was cancelled due to rain. So I drove up town, parked the car, and just walked around. There is some really cool things here if you just stop to look. I suggest you do it for yourself. I wanted to shoot some color and something different besides cars. I ended up taking over 100 hundred pictures. Here are just a few.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Mike Martin's "the Concrete Kid"

This was done for a guy that I grew up with as a kid. He now runs the family's concrete business. It is a Karmen Ghia fashioned after the California Kid '34 Ford Coupe. The California Kid '34 starred with Martin Sheen in a movie of the same name. The Concrete Kid features red and white leather interior, polished Halibrand wheels, Moon tank, and a paint scheme mimicking the original car.

Looney Tunes

Growing up and to this day I love cartoons. My favorites were the Looney Tunes. I remember watching them for a couple of hours every Saturday. As an adult I was saddened the day Mel Blanc passed away.

I really liked the more obscure characters. Blacque Jacque Shellacque, Egghead& Foghorn, Ralph Wolf, Gossamer Monster, Witch Hazel, Chicken Hawk, etc.

One I never totally figured out was Wile E. Coyote...

As a kid I felt the way about his cartoons like I feel about car wrecks today. I knew it was going to be bad, it was never gonna work out, he was gonna be really hurt, but I just could not look away.

Does anyone know what he did for a living? The guy had to have some serious coin. He was always shoppin' ACME. He bought everything - 'member the green bat-suit thing, or the canvas he could just put up - use one brush - and paint anything? What about the catapults, anvils, and GIGANTIC rubber bands? The springs for his feet, rocket powered skates, dynamite, cactus costumes, boomer-rangs, and all those pianos he dropped... I think the most puzzling, from a scientific view point, were all those lil' pills that grew into tornados, earthquakes, and lightening storms. I am convinced he spent so much money on his ACME card that he earned cash rewards just to go towards all those "HELP" signs.

And what was all of this for? That freakin' Roadrunner! I mean come on he has been in the desert for years - just running all day. I'm sure he would have been a tougher bird than last year's Thanksgiving turkey.

Wile, buddy, give me a call. We'll do lunch. We can go to Chic-Fil-A!

Monday, October 8, 2007


Have you ever heard of it? Well it is this on-line auction site that is catching on a little bit here in the last few weeks or so. People can list pretty much whatever meaningless, cheap piece of junk they own and people will buy it. I guess I would compare it to a glorified electronic yard sale.... who am I kidding of course you have heard of it.

I confess I am an ebay addict. I check it out everyday. Not that I buy alot on there or that there is a lot that interests me I just have to see what's available in the world. I guess it my sick and twisted way to look into other people's closets. Kinda voyeuristic - I know.

Anyhow, I do buy stuff off of there occasionally for my old truck. It is over 50 years old and can be hard to find parts for. Sometimes I just find that cool part that I just have to have. Do I need it - no. Do I want it - well, yeah!

Take the other week for example. I found a listing for a triple carb Edelbrock intake - cool! Now the current gas prices tell me I don't need it. Is it economical, hmmm probably not. Will my truck run fine without it, of course. Will I bid on it, you bet! How can I not. The bidding starts at $1.00 and it is a no reserve auction. No one has bid and there is only three days left! So I place my bid - $1.00.

The day goes by and I check ebay that night. Yes, I am still the high bidder. This is unbelievable! I go to bed happy. Dreams of an aluminum manifold dance in my head.

I wake up the next morning. Two days left. To my suprise still the high bidder. I am king! No one can stop me. It is mine. My precious....

I go about my day and return to the computer that night. Feeling kind of cocky I decide not to check ebay. The heavens are smiling upon me - why worry. I go to my email and there is an out bid notice. WHAT! As I drop to my knees I raise my fists to the sky yelling out "Why do you mock me!?!"

I quickly log onto ebay. Two bucks! Oh, that hurts you can't even place a real man bid? Who is this freak? I'll show user "i'll_ruin_your_auction_123" who's boss. Three dollars. I hit refresh. Ha! Still high bidder! No one messes with me!

I wake up the next morning, grab some breakfast, and log onto ebay. It was a sleepless night. All I could think about was that no faced, hide behind a computer screen, auction wrecking thief. What! The bid is now four dollars! Who is this clown? I'll show him - five dollars. Refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh. Six dollars! Oh this guy is serious... I'll show him. Time to bring the "A game". Ten dollars. Refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh. Twenty dollars! AAAAARGH! Ok I need to go to work. What do I do? I know - $50 dollars and I am off to work.

I get a chance in the middle of the day to check ebay. I log onto the auction. Five hours left and the bid is $175 dollars! Seems like a few more clowns want in on my action. Well this is getting spendy. I decide to bid $200. If it is ment to be I will get it. Refresh. Two hundred five! Are you kidding? Now the wise Ryan says "walk away". The not-so wise Ryan says "you own this". That's right I do own it. It was here for six days without a bid before I came along. And that is when it happened...

Your maximum bid: US$ 500000. Yeah that's right - I typed five zero zero zero zero zero. Half a million dollars. No, it wasn't an error - I am not a loser! "Place bid".

As I saw my bid confirmed I threw up a little in my mouth... What did I just do? What if one of these jokers bids $499,999? Oh no, the wife will kill me. As I kept hitting refresh the bids went higher and higher. Amazingly, not really but it makes me feels better to put it that way, I continued to be the highest bidder. Please, please let someone out bid me - I will never ask for anything more. I will help lil' old ladies across the street, I will pick up litter, I will read to blind orphans, scratch the backs of those with no arms, please, please, please...

As those last few seconds ticked by I knew my fate had been sealed. I was the new owner of a not-so rare, coulda lived without it, very used, over priced intake manifold.

So what did I end up paying you ask? I cannot tell you that. You see my wife reads this blog and as long as I beat her to the Visa statement for the next 25 years she will never know!

Did I learn my lesson? Well maybe, but for know I have to go. There is a dust-buster signed by John Tesh I just have to have!

What? It comes with a certificate of authenticity.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Bonneville 2007 - another year in the books

Every year I take the same vacations. A week in Aug, a week in Sept, and a week in Oct. That is because the world is trying to set new landspeed records during those times at the Bonneville Salt Flats.

This year had it's good and bad.

Speed Week in September found extremely wet, slushy salt. The "end of the road" was a lake. Just a few days prior to the meet the water was over a foot deep and a few miles long! By the meet it had receeded some. The salt was soft and pot-holed but the devoted still made there way. By the fourth day the lake had become just a very large pond, the winds was just a breeze, there were a few spin-outs, some new records, and as always great people...

Storms hit the salt after Speed Week and it was thought the rest of the season might be a wash, but the salt made it through the World of Speed and the Bub Trials.

Now as the first week in October has come and gone we made it through the World Finals - although there were some weather concerns prior to the meet.

World Finals this year was great because it was the first time since 2004 that they did not get cancelled due to weather.

By October the salt was dry, hard, and fast. There were not as many cars as Speed Week, but those that were there had some great runs.

This year I caught up with old friens and met some new ones. And as evey other year I brought home a souvenior...

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Really people - it's just an empty house...

We are currently waiting to get into our first house. Since it is only the two of us, I am lazy towards yard work, and it is our first purchase we decided on a townhome.

Mortgage payments make me sick, but it is better than almost a grand a month in rent I guess.

Shannon is really excited though. All she wants to do is go to IKEA - she loaded a map of the store in a handheld GPS. She also wants to hit Thai Pan Trading, Target, Bed Bath & Beyond, etc, etc, etc...

Here are some bad pictures:

Friday, October 5, 2007

South Park...

Ok, I admit I do watch the show... sometimes. Not that it has a great storyline, a well developed plot, characters with depth, or even cutting edge animation. Sometimes you just need mindless entertainment.

Honestly it kind of reminds me of my youth. It is almost like they scripted it after my life. Except for the cussing, singing poo, visits by Jesus & Satan, alien-beings, the word "authoritah", never met Kid Rock... Come to think of it I don't even know a Stan, Cartman, Kyle or Kenny to this day.

Not sure where I was going with that. Maybe it wasn’t as close as I thought, but I sure am in the mood for some Cheesy Poofs!

If I were on South Park I wonder if I would look like this:

Thursday, October 4, 2007

I want to be published...

someday. That is my newest goal. I don't need a cover, just some print. I have had some offers, but it is nothing I want for myself. Guess that first time does need to be special and with the
right one! I have been talking to an independant mag' out of Indiana. We will see how that goes...

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Some more recent pics

Thought I would post a second set of pictures:

I love photography.

I really like photography. I always enjoyed taking photos. Growing up the fam had one of those little junk point and shoot cameras, not much but at the time I was amazed by it. When I got into high school I was introduced to 35mm cameras, rolling film, and the developing process. Wow! I was hooked. I went without it for a few years, but have recently had the time and money to get back into it.
Here are some of my recent photographs:

Friday, September 28, 2007

God Speed Wally

Wally Parks has passed away. He was instrumental in the foundation of the SCTA, NHRA, Hot Rod magazine, and Bonneville racing. A true pioneer and one of the most influencial people in the industry / sport. He will be greatly missed in the automotive world.

Wally Parks
1913 - 2007

Monday, September 3, 2007

the 411

No, you are not seeing double. I've been here before.

As of today I previously had another blog. Yes, that's right TWO blogs. What can I say I am an over - acheiver! Possibly some of you who stumble upon this may remember the "supplies are limited" blogspot. For the rest of you that means absolutely nothing - I know. Trust me it was a grand read with wit, humor, deep meaning, substance, and thought provoking entries. I have deleted that blog and decided to spend my time on this one. I created it months ago and it never went anywhere...

So here is a little about me carried over from the previous blog...

I am a closet pyromaniac with a phobia of wood. My favorite color IS clear. I was a latch-key kid. Sometimes my dishwasher talks to me (listen to yours). I am a rock star (in my shower). I'm not the best cook (should eggs be furry on the inside). My dad never played catch with me. I will not admit to ever being in jail, but I have been on television 3 whole times! I miss the beach (crazy, I know...). I wonder why reality TV is taking over the planet. I have my own slang. I love the Redwings. Sometimes I whistle in public restrooms. When I grow up I wanna be Mayor of Payson. I think some of the best conversations I have had were with mimes. I have learned a few simple truths in life. First, anything is beautiful... when viewed from a plane at night. Second, even if you built it they may not come, but you may get a hernia! No one ever comes over, but I always have diet soda on hand for the ladies and Xbox for the guys. And whenever I start feeling blue I just start breathing again.

Well, gotta go... MTV wants to see the crib!

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