EBAY

Have you ever heard of it? Well it is this on-line auction site that is catching on a little bit here in the last few weeks or so. People can list pretty much whatever meaningless, cheap piece of junk they own and people will buy it. I guess I would compare it to a glorified electronic yard sale.... who am I kidding of course you have heard of it.

I confess I am an ebay addict. I check it out everyday. Not that I buy alot on there or that there is a lot that interests me I just have to see what's available in the world. I guess it my sick and twisted way to look into other people's closets. Kinda voyeuristic - I know.

Anyhow, I do buy stuff off of there occasionally for my old truck. It is over 50 years old and can be hard to find parts for. Sometimes I just find that cool part that I just have to have. Do I need it - no. Do I want it - well, yeah!

Take the other week for example. I found a listing for a triple carb Edelbrock intake - cool! Now the current gas prices tell me I don't need it. Is it economical, hmmm probably not. Will my truck run fine without it, of course. Will I bid on it, you bet! How can I not. The bidding starts at $1.00 and it is a no reserve auction. No one has bid and there is only three days left! So I place my bid - $1.00.

The day goes by and I check ebay that night. Yes, I am still the high bidder. This is unbelievable! I go to bed happy. Dreams of an aluminum manifold dance in my head.

I wake up the next morning. Two days left. To my suprise still the high bidder. I am king! No one can stop me. It is mine. My precious....

I go about my day and return to the computer that night. Feeling kind of cocky I decide not to check ebay. The heavens are smiling upon me - why worry. I go to my email and there is an out bid notice. WHAT! As I drop to my knees I raise my fists to the sky yelling out "Why do you mock me!?!"

I quickly log onto ebay. Two bucks! Oh, that hurts you can't even place a real man bid? Who is this freak? I'll show user "i'll_ruin_your_auction_123" who's boss. Three dollars. I hit refresh. Ha! Still high bidder! No one messes with me!

I wake up the next morning, grab some breakfast, and log onto ebay. It was a sleepless night. All I could think about was that no faced, hide behind a computer screen, auction wrecking thief. What! The bid is now four dollars! Who is this clown? I'll show him - five dollars. Refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh. Six dollars! Oh this guy is serious... I'll show him. Time to bring the "A game". Ten dollars. Refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh. Twenty dollars! AAAAARGH! Ok I need to go to work. What do I do? I know - $50 dollars and I am off to work.

I get a chance in the middle of the day to check ebay. I log onto the auction. Five hours left and the bid is $175 dollars! Seems like a few more clowns want in on my action. Well this is getting spendy. I decide to bid $200. If it is ment to be I will get it. Refresh. Two hundred five! Are you kidding? Now the wise Ryan says "walk away". The not-so wise Ryan says "you own this". That's right I do own it. It was here for six days without a bid before I came along. And that is when it happened...

Your maximum bid: US$ 500000. Yeah that's right - I typed five zero zero zero zero zero. Half a million dollars. No, it wasn't an error - I am not a loser! "Place bid".

As I saw my bid confirmed I threw up a little in my mouth... What did I just do? What if one of these jokers bids $499,999? Oh no, the wife will kill me. As I kept hitting refresh the bids went higher and higher. Amazingly, not really but it makes me feels better to put it that way, I continued to be the highest bidder. Please, please let someone out bid me - I will never ask for anything more. I will help lil' old ladies across the street, I will pick up litter, I will read to blind orphans, scratch the backs of those with no arms, please, please, please...

As those last few seconds ticked by I knew my fate had been sealed. I was the new owner of a not-so rare, coulda lived without it, very used, over priced intake manifold.

So what did I end up paying you ask? I cannot tell you that. You see my wife reads this blog and as long as I beat her to the Visa statement for the next 25 years she will never know!

Did I learn my lesson? Well maybe, but for know I have to go. There is a dust-buster signed by John Tesh I just have to have!

What? It comes with a certificate of authenticity.