Is there something wrong with me?

Ok, stop with the sarcasm!

No honestly. Is there something wrong with me? Two TV posts in a row.

So I am home alone tonight - Shannon is at a convention for work - and the TV is keeping me company. I don't mind time alone - I have cable! :)

The news is on. Yeah I said news, but only because I am too lazy to look for the remote. Not really paying attention, but I am sure there is SO much I could be paying attention to. The price of oil, the fires in CA, another recall on Chinese products, a missing kid somewhere in the world, etc. None of this has really phased me, and then it comes on...

I can't believe my eyes! I am drawn to our TV like a moth to my parent's bug zapper. As the reporter begins his monologue I am engulfed by what is being broadcast before me. This has to be the biggest discovery in modern civilization! I kid you not it was a 167 lb hairball! Curses I don't have TiVo! Guess now it will just be "one of those stories grandpa always tells" to my grandkids someday.

RLS

Restless Leg Syndrome

Yeah I think I have it. I don't sleep well and I drive people nuts when I share a seat with them. My legs are constantly moving.

So I saw a commercial for a pill. All was good until the disclaimer - you know all the usual side effects:

"May cause shortness of breath, rash, itching, watery eyes, dry eyes, red eyes, double vision, blurred vision, ringing in ears, elevated tempurature, heart palpitations, nausea, headache, diziness, tiredness, migraines, bloating, gas, loss of appetite, chalky tongue, sweaty gums, hairy toe knuckles, bushy eyebrows, curvature of the spine, back acne, infertility, post nasal drip, pre nasal drip, smelly feet, poor grammer, inability to do algebra, blah, blah, blah..."

Ok, ok I can live with those I'm thinking, and then the last two really caught me off gaurd. I swear this was it:

"Increased sex drive or urge to gamble. When using this product you should not consume alcohol..."

Wait, wait - a product that may increase my sex drive or my urge to gamble BUT should not be taken with alcohol!?! Last time I checked for most people that was alcohol!

JUNK!

So we are preparing to move - hopefully this week. And the question that keeps coming to mind is where did all this junk come from? I mean come on I take out the trash several times a week. Sometimes I even through out more than what is in the can. If I don't think we need it it is out by the curb.

You know I can understand our draw with 107 keys, 12 rolls of tape - none new, a pocket knife, a business card for a plumber, crayons, a ball of used tin-foil, a AA battery, and some toenail clippings, but what about all the "big" stuff? Where did all this come from? Did we buy it? Do we need it? How did it get here?

I think my wife smuggles it in. It seems to be a bigger problem than securing the US borders.

I questioned Shannon - "Have you been ordering from QVC again?"

"No, why?" she replies.

"Cause I don't remember buying this..." I say puzzling.

"Oh that - your mom gave it to us for our anniversary."

"Why would my mom get us the Suzanne Somer's Thighmaster Gold edition?"

"Ummm... maybe she got it on easy pay with free shipping..."

"Are you kidding me!?!"

"No, now put it next to the Paula Deen 217 pc. cookware set your grandfather gave us for Hanukkah..."

"Hey - wait! We aren't Jewish!"

El Camirod, El Carodder, Elky - Highboy?

No idea what you would call this. All I know is that a full a full-size version is being built by a guy on the H.A.M.B. His may not look exactly like this when done, but when I saw the initial "spy photos" I just had to draw up "my" finished version. It started life as a '59 El Camino that is now narrowed and chopped. It sits on a rolling chassis remenisant of the Mysterion show car, stuffed with your pick of any vintage V-8 with custom headers and an intake setup that looks like it came off of a pipe organ. It would have a custom mix yellow / gold paint with white tuck 'n roll interior, white 3 spoke steering wheel, and big shifter. And what show carm would be complete without a custom tube grill and quad headlights!

Randy Warren's "too Cool for School"

This is my buddy Randy's 1947 Chevy. It is lowered and painted a pale PPG orange. Additional plans are a hopped up 235, white tuck 'n roll, and possible scallops or flames.

It's just a number...

You know growing up I always found it odd my dad had to think about my age. I mean come on I was his only son. His lil' man - his spittin' image. Why was this SO hard for him...

When I was a toddler I had my age. Everyone would ask "How old are you?" Ha! I can answer that on one hand - how hard is this?

As I grew older I had my birthday - no big deal - four digits - six if you want the "19" on the year.

Then came kindergarten. What's you address? Hmmm, ok that's a little more. And you wanna know my phone number too!?! Oh well I can handle it. What! A school bus number! You people really know how to push it!

Then I got a sister. "How old is your little sister?" Hey she was blessed with 10 fingers ask her yourself.

And as time went more and more...

I don't go a day without some one, somewhere asking "What's your PIN number, debit card number, bank account number, address, cell number, fax number, work number, driver license number, SS number, anniversary, license plate number, locker combination, credit cards number, utility account numbers, IQ, cholestrol count, zip code, tee time, gas mileage, weight, height,...?" Or thousands of others.

And I am proud to say I can answer all of those questions, but for the love of Pete do you think I can remember my daughter's age...?

Street scenes

I planned on going to the "Hugs for Life" car show and shooting some pictures today, but it was cancelled due to rain. So I drove up town, parked the car, and just walked around. There is some really cool things here if you just stop to look. I suggest you do it for yourself. I wanted to shoot some color and something different besides cars. I ended up taking over 100 hundred pictures. Here are just a few.

Mike Martin's "the Concrete Kid"

This was done for a guy that I grew up with as a kid. He now runs the family's concrete business. It is a Karmen Ghia fashioned after the California Kid '34 Ford Coupe. The California Kid '34 starred with Martin Sheen in a movie of the same name. The Concrete Kid features red and white leather interior, polished Halibrand wheels, Moon tank, and a paint scheme mimicking the original car.

Looney Tunes

Growing up and to this day I love cartoons. My favorites were the Looney Tunes. I remember watching them for a couple of hours every Saturday. As an adult I was saddened the day Mel Blanc passed away.

I really liked the more obscure characters. Blacque Jacque Shellacque, Egghead& Foghorn, Ralph Wolf, Gossamer Monster, Witch Hazel, Chicken Hawk, etc.

One I never totally figured out was Wile E. Coyote...

As a kid I felt the way about his cartoons like I feel about car wrecks today. I knew it was going to be bad, it was never gonna work out, he was gonna be really hurt, but I just could not look away.

Does anyone know what he did for a living? The guy had to have some serious coin. He was always shoppin' ACME. He bought everything - 'member the green bat-suit thing, or the canvas he could just put up - use one brush - and paint anything? What about the catapults, anvils, and GIGANTIC rubber bands? The springs for his feet, rocket powered skates, dynamite, cactus costumes, boomer-rangs, and all those pianos he dropped... I think the most puzzling, from a scientific view point, were all those lil' pills that grew into tornados, earthquakes, and lightening storms. I am convinced he spent so much money on his ACME card that he earned cash rewards just to go towards all those "HELP" signs.

And what was all of this for? That freakin' Roadrunner! I mean come on he has been in the desert for years - just running all day. I'm sure he would have been a tougher bird than last year's Thanksgiving turkey.

Wile, buddy, give me a call. We'll do lunch. We can go to Chic-Fil-A!

EBAY

Have you ever heard of it? Well it is this on-line auction site that is catching on a little bit here in the last few weeks or so. People can list pretty much whatever meaningless, cheap piece of junk they own and people will buy it. I guess I would compare it to a glorified electronic yard sale.... who am I kidding of course you have heard of it.

I confess I am an ebay addict. I check it out everyday. Not that I buy alot on there or that there is a lot that interests me I just have to see what's available in the world. I guess it my sick and twisted way to look into other people's closets. Kinda voyeuristic - I know.

Anyhow, I do buy stuff off of there occasionally for my old truck. It is over 50 years old and can be hard to find parts for. Sometimes I just find that cool part that I just have to have. Do I need it - no. Do I want it - well, yeah!

Take the other week for example. I found a listing for a triple carb Edelbrock intake - cool! Now the current gas prices tell me I don't need it. Is it economical, hmmm probably not. Will my truck run fine without it, of course. Will I bid on it, you bet! How can I not. The bidding starts at $1.00 and it is a no reserve auction. No one has bid and there is only three days left! So I place my bid - $1.00.

The day goes by and I check ebay that night. Yes, I am still the high bidder. This is unbelievable! I go to bed happy. Dreams of an aluminum manifold dance in my head.

I wake up the next morning. Two days left. To my suprise still the high bidder. I am king! No one can stop me. It is mine. My precious....

I go about my day and return to the computer that night. Feeling kind of cocky I decide not to check ebay. The heavens are smiling upon me - why worry. I go to my email and there is an out bid notice. WHAT! As I drop to my knees I raise my fists to the sky yelling out "Why do you mock me!?!"

I quickly log onto ebay. Two bucks! Oh, that hurts you can't even place a real man bid? Who is this freak? I'll show user "i'll_ruin_your_auction_123" who's boss. Three dollars. I hit refresh. Ha! Still high bidder! No one messes with me!

I wake up the next morning, grab some breakfast, and log onto ebay. It was a sleepless night. All I could think about was that no faced, hide behind a computer screen, auction wrecking thief. What! The bid is now four dollars! Who is this clown? I'll show him - five dollars. Refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh. Six dollars! Oh this guy is serious... I'll show him. Time to bring the "A game". Ten dollars. Refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh. Twenty dollars! AAAAARGH! Ok I need to go to work. What do I do? I know - $50 dollars and I am off to work.

I get a chance in the middle of the day to check ebay. I log onto the auction. Five hours left and the bid is $175 dollars! Seems like a few more clowns want in on my action. Well this is getting spendy. I decide to bid $200. If it is ment to be I will get it. Refresh. Two hundred five! Are you kidding? Now the wise Ryan says "walk away". The not-so wise Ryan says "you own this". That's right I do own it. It was here for six days without a bid before I came along. And that is when it happened...

Your maximum bid: US$ 500000. Yeah that's right - I typed five zero zero zero zero zero. Half a million dollars. No, it wasn't an error - I am not a loser! "Place bid".

As I saw my bid confirmed I threw up a little in my mouth... What did I just do? What if one of these jokers bids $499,999? Oh no, the wife will kill me. As I kept hitting refresh the bids went higher and higher. Amazingly, not really but it makes me feels better to put it that way, I continued to be the highest bidder. Please, please let someone out bid me - I will never ask for anything more. I will help lil' old ladies across the street, I will pick up litter, I will read to blind orphans, scratch the backs of those with no arms, please, please, please...

As those last few seconds ticked by I knew my fate had been sealed. I was the new owner of a not-so rare, coulda lived without it, very used, over priced intake manifold.

So what did I end up paying you ask? I cannot tell you that. You see my wife reads this blog and as long as I beat her to the Visa statement for the next 25 years she will never know!

Did I learn my lesson? Well maybe, but for know I have to go. There is a dust-buster signed by John Tesh I just have to have!

What? It comes with a certificate of authenticity.

Bonneville 2007 - another year in the books

Every year I take the same vacations. A week in Aug, a week in Sept, and a week in Oct. That is because the world is trying to set new landspeed records during those times at the Bonneville Salt Flats.

This year had it's good and bad.

Speed Week in September found extremely wet, slushy salt. The "end of the road" was a lake. Just a few days prior to the meet the water was over a foot deep and a few miles long! By the meet it had receeded some. The salt was soft and pot-holed but the devoted still made there way. By the fourth day the lake had become just a very large pond, the winds was just a breeze, there were a few spin-outs, some new records, and as always great people...

Storms hit the salt after Speed Week and it was thought the rest of the season might be a wash, but the salt made it through the World of Speed and the Bub Trials.

Now as the first week in October has come and gone we made it through the World Finals - although there were some weather concerns prior to the meet.

World Finals this year was great because it was the first time since 2004 that they did not get cancelled due to weather.

By October the salt was dry, hard, and fast. There were not as many cars as Speed Week, but those that were there had some great runs.

This year I caught up with old friens and met some new ones. And as evey other year I brought home a souvenior...

Really people - it's just an empty house...

We are currently waiting to get into our first house. Since it is only the two of us, I am lazy towards yard work, and it is our first purchase we decided on a townhome.

Mortgage payments make me sick, but it is better than almost a grand a month in rent I guess.

Shannon is really excited though. All she wants to do is go to IKEA - she loaded a map of the store in a handheld GPS. She also wants to hit Thai Pan Trading, Target, Bed Bath & Beyond, etc, etc, etc...

Here are some bad pictures:

South Park...

Ok, I admit I do watch the show... sometimes. Not that it has a great storyline, a well developed plot, characters with depth, or even cutting edge animation. Sometimes you just need mindless entertainment.

Honestly it kind of reminds me of my youth. It is almost like they scripted it after my life. Except for the cussing, singing poo, visits by Jesus & Satan, alien-beings, the word "authoritah", never met Kid Rock... Come to think of it I don't even know a Stan, Cartman, Kyle or Kenny to this day.

Not sure where I was going with that. Maybe it wasn’t as close as I thought, but I sure am in the mood for some Cheesy Poofs!

If I were on South Park I wonder if I would look like this:

I want to be published...

someday. That is my newest goal. I don't need a cover, just some print. I have had some offers, but it is nothing I want for myself. Guess that first time does need to be special and with the
right one! I have been talking to an independant mag' out of Indiana. We will see how that goes...