The funeral...

Funeral services scheduled for murdered toilet

A toilet will be laid to rest today in Centerville.

Earlier this month, a customer at Carl's Jr. accidentally shot and destroyed a toilet in the men's room. Workers and visitors will hold a funeral today for the now-famous commode. On Carl's Jr.'s Facebook page, a spokesman says, "Our thoughts go out to the surviving men's room urinal and porcelain sink."

The first 50 customers to attend the service will be given Kaboom brand bowl blaster toilet cleaner, which workers say was the toilet's favorite.

"It was such a shame," said Centerville Carl's Jr. Manager Christian Martinez. "We have received e-mails and cards from all over the country expressing condolences for our loss."

I propose we all leave our toilet paper half rolled...