Lower Prices - Always!

Ok, like most Americans I do occasionally shop that “king of the big boxes”, “downfall of the mom & pop”, “destroyer of the little guy”, – Wal Mart. I don’t frequent it because I feel they sell a superior product, or that they provide that much more when it comes to customer service. To be honest it isn’t the “always low prices”. Which by the way they don’t always have, honest, I’ve checked. They do price match though! I go there because it is convenient – simple. I mean by this summer we will have two within three miles of our home… convenience.

I stopped in there the other day. My mission - a new grinding attachment for my Dremel tool. I had to do some grinding on a part for the truck. After crossing through those aisles that I affectionately call “no man’s land” – jewelry, towels, rugs, linens, make-up, mascara, lip stick, lip gloss, lip balm, hair sprays, hair volumizers, hair curlers, hair straightners, hair removers, lotions, facial scrubs, powders, puffs, those weird female face “tools”, Midol, Tampax, Summer’s Eve, Slim-Fast… you get the point.

I just kept my eye on that oasis. That beacon of hope on the horizon – hardware. I dig my Wal Mart. They were smart. Hardware is next to automotive, automotive is next to Hotwheels, and Hotwheels is next to electronics - cool. So of course I took the “safe” route back to the check out. Two dollars and forty-three cents in the self check-out and I was out of there. Past all those coffee mugs with state’s name on them, the Lint-b-Gone magic roller – hey isn’t that the guy that sells Oxyclean, the &1.00 knock off DVDs, the baseball cards, Pokemon cards, postcards, gift cards, twelve soda machines, an electric guitar display…

As I headed toward the “aged” security guard, Wal Mart’s H.R. lists the job as “customer greeter”, I wondered if I would get the cane. The cane, and the obligatory “You have a receipt for that.”

You know I never noticed if I got the cane, because as I approached the doors my attention was taken by something else. As I walked out I noticed a sign that stated “Lasik at Wal Mart. Ask about it in our Vision Center”.

Huh, are you kidding me? Does this freak anyone else out? Guys, honest, I don’t even buy your underwear and you want to strap me down, cut a flap in my eye, and shoot a laser beam into it! When will this be on the commercial with the little yellow bouncing head? Do you think he will bump into a sign advertising this and the price will “drop” to $198.34?

Sorry, just not gonna do it, and I am not holding my breath for the $59.28 vasectomy either!