That's me, I'm him...
- DISCLAIMER: Although I am a car guy this is not solely a car blog. I will talk cars, but this is also a blog about how I view the world. Just ask my mom and she will tell you my first word was "car". I do have a slight fascination with them. Luckily I have a supportive family and a very understanding wife...
Thursday, October 25, 2007
No honestly. Is there something wrong with me? Two TV posts in a row.
So I am home alone tonight - Shannon is at a convention for work - and the TV is keeping me company. I don't mind time alone - I have cable! :)
The news is on. Yeah I said news, but only because I am too lazy to look for the remote. Not really paying attention, but I am sure there is SO much I could be paying attention to. The price of oil, the fires in CA, another recall on Chinese products, a missing kid somewhere in the world, etc. None of this has really phased me, and then it comes on...
I can't believe my eyes! I am drawn to our TV like a moth to my parent's bug zapper. As the reporter begins his monologue I am engulfed by what is being broadcast before me. This has to be the biggest discovery in modern civilization! I kid you not it was a 167 lb hairball! Curses I don't have TiVo! Guess now it will just be "one of those stories grandpa always tells" to my grandkids someday.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Yeah I think I have it. I don't sleep well and I drive people nuts when I share a seat with them. My legs are constantly moving.
So I saw a commercial for a pill. All was good until the disclaimer - you know all the usual side effects:
"May cause shortness of breath, rash, itching, watery eyes, dry eyes, red eyes, double vision, blurred vision, ringing in ears, elevated tempurature, heart palpitations, nausea, headache, diziness, tiredness, migraines, bloating, gas, loss of appetite, chalky tongue, sweaty gums, hairy toe knuckles, bushy eyebrows, curvature of the spine, back acne, infertility, post nasal drip, pre nasal drip, smelly feet, poor grammer, inability to do algebra, blah, blah, blah..."
Ok, ok I can live with those I'm thinking, and then the last two really caught me off gaurd. I swear this was it:
"Increased sex drive or urge to gamble. When using this product you should not consume alcohol..."
Wait, wait - a product that may increase my sex drive or my urge to gamble BUT should not be taken with alcohol!?! Last time I checked for most people that was alcohol!
Monday, October 22, 2007
You know I can understand our draw with 107 keys, 12 rolls of tape - none new, a pocket knife, a business card for a plumber, crayons, a ball of used tin-foil, a AA battery, and some toenail clippings, but what about all the "big" stuff? Where did all this come from? Did we buy it? Do we need it? How did it get here?
I think my wife smuggles it in. It seems to be a bigger problem than securing the US borders.
I questioned Shannon - "Have you been ordering from QVC again?"
"No, why?" she replies.
"Cause I don't remember buying this..." I say puzzling.
"Oh that - your mom gave it to us for our anniversary."
"Why would my mom get us the Suzanne Somer's Thighmaster Gold edition?"
"Ummm... maybe she got it on easy pay with free shipping..."
"Are you kidding me!?!"
"No, now put it next to the Paula Deen 217 pc. cookware set your grandfather gave us for Hanukkah..."
"Hey - wait! We aren't Jewish!"
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
Sunday, October 14, 2007
When I was a toddler I had my age. Everyone would ask "How old are you?" Ha! I can answer that on one hand - how hard is this?
As I grew older I had my birthday - no big deal - four digits - six if you want the "19" on the year.
Then came kindergarten. What's you address? Hmmm, ok that's a little more. And you wanna know my phone number too!?! Oh well I can handle it. What! A school bus number! You people really know how to push it!
Then I got a sister. "How old is your little sister?" Hey she was blessed with 10 fingers ask her yourself.
And as time went more and more...
I don't go a day without some one, somewhere asking "What's your PIN number, debit card number, bank account number, address, cell number, fax number, work number, driver license number, SS number, anniversary, license plate number, locker combination, credit cards number, utility account numbers, IQ, cholestrol count, zip code, tee time, gas mileage, weight, height,...?" Or thousands of others.
And I am proud to say I can answer all of those questions, but for the love of Pete do you think I can remember my daughter's age...?
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
I really liked the more obscure characters. Blacque Jacque Shellacque, Egghead& Foghorn, Ralph Wolf, Gossamer Monster, Witch Hazel, Chicken Hawk, etc.
One I never totally figured out was Wile E. Coyote...
As a kid I felt the way about his cartoons like I feel about car wrecks today. I knew it was going to be bad, it was never gonna work out, he was gonna be really hurt, but I just could not look away.
Does anyone know what he did for a living? The guy had to have some serious coin. He was always shoppin' ACME. He bought everything - 'member the green bat-suit thing, or the canvas he could just put up - use one brush - and paint anything? What about the catapults, anvils, and GIGANTIC rubber bands? The springs for his feet, rocket powered skates, dynamite, cactus costumes, boomer-rangs, and all those pianos he dropped... I think the most puzzling, from a scientific view point, were all those lil' pills that grew into tornados, earthquakes, and lightening storms. I am convinced he spent so much money on his ACME card that he earned cash rewards just to go towards all those "HELP" signs.
And what was all of this for? That freakin' Roadrunner! I mean come on he has been in the desert for years - just running all day. I'm sure he would have been a tougher bird than last year's Thanksgiving turkey.
Wile, buddy, give me a call. We'll do lunch. We can go to Chic-Fil-A!
Monday, October 8, 2007
I confess I am an ebay addict. I check it out everyday. Not that I buy alot on there or that there is a lot that interests me I just have to see what's available in the world. I guess it my sick and twisted way to look into other people's closets. Kinda voyeuristic - I know.
Anyhow, I do buy stuff off of there occasionally for my old truck. It is over 50 years old and can be hard to find parts for. Sometimes I just find that cool part that I just have to have. Do I need it - no. Do I want it - well, yeah!
Take the other week for example. I found a listing for a triple carb Edelbrock intake - cool! Now the current gas prices tell me I don't need it. Is it economical, hmmm probably not. Will my truck run fine without it, of course. Will I bid on it, you bet! How can I not. The bidding starts at $1.00 and it is a no reserve auction. No one has bid and there is only three days left! So I place my bid - $1.00.
The day goes by and I check ebay that night. Yes, I am still the high bidder. This is unbelievable! I go to bed happy. Dreams of an aluminum manifold dance in my head.
I wake up the next morning. Two days left. To my suprise still the high bidder. I am king! No one can stop me. It is mine. My precious....
I go about my day and return to the computer that night. Feeling kind of cocky I decide not to check ebay. The heavens are smiling upon me - why worry. I go to my email and there is an out bid notice. WHAT! As I drop to my knees I raise my fists to the sky yelling out "Why do you mock me!?!"
I quickly log onto ebay. Two bucks! Oh, that hurts you can't even place a real man bid? Who is this freak? I'll show user "i'll_ruin_your_auction_123" who's boss. Three dollars. I hit refresh. Ha! Still high bidder! No one messes with me!
I wake up the next morning, grab some breakfast, and log onto ebay. It was a sleepless night. All I could think about was that no faced, hide behind a computer screen, auction wrecking thief. What! The bid is now four dollars! Who is this clown? I'll show him - five dollars. Refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh. Six dollars! Oh this guy is serious... I'll show him. Time to bring the "A game". Ten dollars. Refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh. Twenty dollars! AAAAARGH! Ok I need to go to work. What do I do? I know - $50 dollars and I am off to work.
I get a chance in the middle of the day to check ebay. I log onto the auction. Five hours left and the bid is $175 dollars! Seems like a few more clowns want in on my action. Well this is getting spendy. I decide to bid $200. If it is ment to be I will get it. Refresh. Two hundred five! Are you kidding? Now the wise Ryan says "walk away". The not-so wise Ryan says "you own this". That's right I do own it. It was here for six days without a bid before I came along. And that is when it happened...
Your maximum bid: US$ 500000. Yeah that's right - I typed five zero zero zero zero zero. Half a million dollars. No, it wasn't an error - I am not a loser! "Place bid".
As I saw my bid confirmed I threw up a little in my mouth... What did I just do? What if one of these jokers bids $499,999? Oh no, the wife will kill me. As I kept hitting refresh the bids went higher and higher. Amazingly, not really but it makes me feels better to put it that way, I continued to be the highest bidder. Please, please let someone out bid me - I will never ask for anything more. I will help lil' old ladies across the street, I will pick up litter, I will read to blind orphans, scratch the backs of those with no arms, please, please, please...
As those last few seconds ticked by I knew my fate had been sealed. I was the new owner of a not-so rare, coulda lived without it, very used, over priced intake manifold.
So what did I end up paying you ask? I cannot tell you that. You see my wife reads this blog and as long as I beat her to the Visa statement for the next 25 years she will never know!
Did I learn my lesson? Well maybe, but for know I have to go. There is a dust-buster signed by John Tesh I just have to have!
What? It comes with a certificate of authenticity.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Storms hit the salt after Speed Week and it was thought the rest of the season might be a wash, but the salt made it through the World of Speed and the Bub Trials.
Now as the first week in October has come and gone we made it through the World Finals - although there were some weather concerns prior to the meet.
World Finals this year was great because it was the first time since 2004 that they did not get cancelled due to weather.
By October the salt was dry, hard, and fast. There were not as many cars as Speed Week, but those that were there had some great runs.
This year I caught up with old friens and met some new ones. And as evey other year I brought home a souvenior...
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Mortgage payments make me sick, but it is better than almost a grand a month in rent I guess.
Shannon is really excited though. All she wants to do is go to IKEA - she loaded a map of the store in a handheld GPS. She also wants to hit Thai Pan Trading, Target, Bed Bath & Beyond, etc, etc, etc...
Here are some bad pictures:
Friday, October 5, 2007
Honestly it kind of reminds me of my youth. It is almost like they scripted it after my life. Except for the cussing, singing poo, visits by Jesus & Satan, alien-beings, the word "authoritah", never met Kid Rock... Come to think of it I don't even know a Stan, Cartman, Kyle or Kenny to this day.
Not sure where I was going with that. Maybe it wasn’t as close as I thought, but I sure am in the mood for some Cheesy Poofs!
If I were on South Park I wonder if I would look like this:
Thursday, October 4, 2007
right one! I have been talking to an independant mag' out of Indiana. We will see how that goes...
- ► 2010 (75)
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- Is there something wrong with me?
- El Camirod, El Carodder, Elky - Highboy?
- Randy Warren's "too Cool for School"
- It's just a number...
- Street scenes
- Mike Martin's "the Concrete Kid"
- Looney Tunes
- Bonneville 2007 - another year in the books
- Really people - it's just an empty house...
- South Park...
- I want to be published...
- ▼ October (14)
Check 'em out
- Andy's Pinstriping
- Austin Speed Shop
- Duece of Spades movie blog
- Jimmy Shine
- Keep On Rollin' benefit car show
- Landspeed Racing dot com
- Learn the Lingo
- MyRideIsMe dot com
- Old Crow Speed Shop
- Old Crow Speed Shop blog
- Ruben Durant
- Salt Flats Speed Shop
- So-Cal Speed Shop
- So-Cal Vintage Parts Arizona
- Southern California Timing Assoc
- Traditional Speed & Kustom
- Utah Salt Flats Racing Assoc